Explore why you cannot stop checking their last seen after a date,

You have just returned from a promising date — perhaps an artsy museum outing, a cosy candlelit dinner or a fun café-hopping afternoon.

You send a text saying you had a good time, and then their "last seen" timestamp takes hold of you completely. It is not exclusively a new-relationship experience either; unexpected ghosting is equally common in the later stages of a talking stage or a situationship.

You find yourself checking the screen repeatedly, biting your nails, consulting friends for reassurance, whilst the knot in your stomach tightens and your heart leaps at every notification — only for it to turn out to be a food delivery alert.

Sad as it may be, almost everyone has experienced this in some form. Yet this seemingly harmless habit of checking someone's last seen — whether following a date or in any other context — can have a genuine impact on your wellbeing.

What compels you to keep checking?

To understand what is actually happening in your mind during these prolonged phone-checking sessions, we spoke to Noya Giri, clinical psychologist at Maarga Mindcare, Gurugram, who broke down the psychological repercussions.

Giri explained that such behaviour is particularly common amongst individuals who seek a great deal of reassurance, validation, and emotional comfort from external sources, relying heavily on others for their sense of self. In these cases, self-worth becomes tied to how another person responds, rather than rooted in how one feels about oneself.

This tendency escalates swiftly into overthinking. A delayed reply prompts thoughts such as "Why are they not responding?", "Are they ignoring me?", "Did I say something wrong?" and even "Am I the problem?"

The emotional toll of the last cycle

The emotional consequences of this cycle can feel almost purgatorial — you are aware the habit is causing harm, you know you ought to stop, yet you keep returning to it again.

Giri expressed concern that this pattern of behaviour can trap a person in a persistent state of anxiety. "Emotionally, this pattern wears a person's security and sense of self over time. Which in turn impacts their sleep, concentration, mood, their confidence and overall peace of mind," she said.

Sleep suffers most

Among the most significant consequences is the impact on sleep, widely considered the foundation of good health.

If you regularly find yourself in a connection where communication is inconsistent, leaving you grasping at last seen timestamps for answers and losing sleep as a result, it may be time to prioritise yourself and honestly assess whether the connection is genuinely worth maintaining.

In the short term, poor sleep leaves you tired and groggy the following morning, with diminished focus, heightened irritability, headaches, food cravings, and low motivation. In the longer term, the risks are considerably more serious.

Chronic poor sleep is associated with cardiovascular problems, obesity, and diabetes. A study published in eBioMedicine, part of The Lancet Discovery Science, on 30 September 2025, identified poor sleep as a contributing factor to premature brain ageing, with sleep disturbances linked to an increased risk of neurodegenerative conditions such as dementia due to accelerated ageing.

What a healthy connection actually looks like

There is, however, a more encouraging perspective. Giri urged readers not to leap to conclusions, noting that a late reply does not automatically signal rejection, disinterest, or indifference.

The other person may simply be busy, tired, stressed, distracted, or taking time for themselves. When someone is emotionally anxious, however, the mind tends to jump to the worst-case scenario before the full picture becomes clear.

So what should a healthy connection look like? "Healthy connections should be based on trust, patience, communication, and emotional balance, and not on monitoring," Giri answered.

"It is vital to think about whether you check something because you truly miss that person or do it in order to relieve some of your tension."

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.