Harry Shum Jr. reveals what keeps his marriage thriving after decade

Harry Shum Jr. has opened up about the key to his nearly 11-year marriage to actress and Toy Story 5 voice star Shelby Rabara, saying that long-term relationships require couples to continually rediscover what each partner needs as life evolves.

Speaking exclusively to PEOPLE at the Los Angeles premiere of his new Netflix romantic comedy Voicemails for Isabelle on June 16, the Grey’s Anatomy and Glee actor reflected on what has helped sustain their relationship since they married in November 2015.

“I don't know if I have a secret,” Shum, 44, said. “I think, to me, it's like there's no secret. I think it's just loving each other in different stages.”

The actor explained that relationships require flexibility as couples grow together.

“It takes a different type of love [in each phase],” he said. “And it's like you're discovering this like, ‘Oh, this is what she needs, this is what I need.'”

According to Shum, communication can take many forms.

“You kind of just communicate sometimes through argument, sometimes through silence, sometimes through just action,” he added.

How the Couple Keeps the Romance Alive

Shum also shared what he believes helps maintain romance after a decade of marriage and parenthood.

The actor, who shares a seven-year-old daughter with Rabara, said spontaneity plays an important role.

“I think the unexpected,” he said.

Rather than relying solely on traditional date nights, Shum believes couples should continue pursuing experiences that make them feel excited as individuals.

“Having things, like having the unexpected of not just like date night, but also just being able to feel like you're not just a parent. You're not just a husband and wife,” he explained.

“And, like, what is that thing that kind of gets you excited? And [that] in turn is going to be romantic because you get excited.”

His Favourite Romantic Comedy

While promoting his own romantic comedy, Shum also revealed the film he returns to year after year.

“I watch … About Time like once a year,” he said.

The actor praised the 2013 film for blending romance with family themes.

“Because it's like a love story, it's a rom-com, but also it's a father-son story,” he said. “So I feel like there's this accessibility of just … finding the love that is in the movie in different versions of it, in different stages of it.”

Inside ‘Voicemails for Isabelle’

Shum currently stars in Netflix's Voicemails for Isabelle, a romantic comedy that follows a man who begins receiving voicemail messages intended for a woman's late sister.

The actor plays Andy, the best friend of lead character Wes, portrayed by Nick Robinson.

“I'm kind of like the voice of reason for him,” Shum said, noting that his character often questions Wes' decision to listen to the personal messages.

Despite the unusual premise, Shum described the film as heartfelt and emotionally resonant.

“It's such a beautiful [movie],” he said.

The actor also expressed optimism about the future of the romantic-comedy genre.

“I think rom-coms are making their way back,” Shum said. “[A]t the end of the day, we need more of that. We need ones that stay with you for a long time and not just like in and out.”

Voicemails for Isabelle is now streaming on Netflix.