Expert reveal how brain gets hijacked by obsession

Infatuation is a common experience, yet it is frequently mistaken for love, particularly in younger individuals. When this feeling evolves into an involuntary, obsessive state, it is known as limerence.

Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, describes this phenomenon as a state where the brain is effectively hijacked by a single person. Unlike a standard crush, which feels light and fun, limerence is characterised by an undercurrent of constant anxiety and a mood entirely dependent on the other person’s actions.

Understanding the Roots of Obsession

Jeff Guenther explains that for many, this experience is less about the other person and more about filling an internal vacancy created during childhood.

Childhood Patterns: Individuals raised by inconsistent or emotionally distant caregivers may learn that love is something to be earned or chased.

Survival Techniques: Children in difficult households often use fantasy as a survival mechanism, a habit that can manifest as limerence in adult relationships.

Steps to Break the Cycle

To move past this obsessive state, several active steps are recommended to regain control over one's faculties. Jeff Guenther outlines a strategy focused on reality and self-reflection:

Reality Testing: Recognise that the obsession is a projection. Intentionally focus on the person's flaws and inconsistencies to break the illusion.

Information Control: Stop checking social media or replaying past interactions, as these actions provide "doses" that reinforce the obsession.

Address Vacancies: Identify the empty spots in life that the obsession is trying to fill and find healthier ways to address those needs.

Achieving Permanent Healing

While these steps offer immediate coping mechanisms, permanent relief requires addressing the underlying emotional wounds.

The therapist emphasises the necessity of mourning the love and stability that may have been missing in childhood. Without processing this grief, the obsession is likely to find a new target, repeating the same cycle with a different face.