Psychiatrist shares five ways to handle people with narcissistic traits

People with narcissistic personality traits can leave those around them feeling dismissed, unheard and emotionally drained — but a senior psychiatrist says understanding what drives the behaviour is key to managing it without compromising your own mental health.

Dr Diwakar Goutham N, Senior Consultant and Clinical Lead in Psychiatry at Narayana Health City in Bengaluru, shared his insights on why people with narcissistic traits behave the way they do and how to deal with them effectively.

Not the same as a clinical diagnosis

Before concluding someone's behaviour, Dr Diwakar cautioned against casually labelling people as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. "Many display traits such as seeking validation or prioritising their needs or struggle with criticism without meeting criteria for a clinical diagnosis," he explained.

A formal NPD diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional, as it is a clinical condition affecting multiple areas of a person's life. Describing someone as having narcissistic personality traits, rather than the disorder itself, is both more accurate and more responsible.

What lies beneath the behaviour

People with narcissistic tendencies are not always as confident as they appear. "People with narcissistic tendencies are not always confident or self-assured. In many cases, these behaviours stem from deep-seated insecurity and fragile self-esteem. External validation becomes a way to stabilise their sense of self-worth," Dr Diwakar explained.

Understanding this emotional foundation, he noted, does not excuse hurtful or denigrating behaviour — but it does allow people to respond with greater clarity rather than reactive emotion.

How to recognise narcissistic traits

Dr Diwakar outlined five common patterns to watch for:

• The first is excessive self-focus, where conversations consistently circle back to the other person's achievements, experiences or problems.
• The second is a challenge with empathy — listening that is motivated by the need to respond or regain control rather than to genuinely understand.
• A strong need for validation is the third trait, where praise and admiration are closely tied to the person's emotional stability.
• The fourth is sensitivity to criticism, where even constructive feedback can trigger defensiveness or deflection.
• Finally, difficulty with boundaries — where others' emotional needs are minimised or dismissed as overreacting — rounds out the pattern.

Narcissistic traits are not inherently negative and can be managed, Dr Diwakar noted. However, when left unchecked, they tend to place significant strain on relationships — and they can appear in any setting, including friendships, romantic partnerships, families and workplaces.

Five ways to protect yourself

Dr Diwakar was clear that trying to change a person with narcissistic traits is not the answer. Instead, he recommended five practical approaches to protect your own wellbeing.

• The first is to set clear, calm boundaries — communicating directly and factually, as emotional reactions tend to escalate conflict while calm clarity reduces power struggles.
• The second is to limit over-explaining, since repeatedly justifying your feelings is unnecessary and brief, direct statements better preserve self-respect.
• Third is to manage emotional engagement: you are not responsible for fixing the other person's behaviour or meeting their emotional needs, and choosing disengagement over constant reaction can protect your peace.
• Fourth, maintain realistic expectations — hoping for deep emotional reciprocity is likely to lead to disappointment, and adjusting those expectations reduces ongoing frustration.
• Fifth, prioritise self-care and seek support: if a relationship is consistently affecting your mental health, stepping back and speaking with a therapist or trusted support network can help you stay balanced.

The overarching principle, Dr Diwakar emphasised, is to have compassion — but not at the cost of self-sacrifice. Tolerating disrespect or emotional harm is not required in order to understand where someone else is coming from. Compassion and boundaries, he concluded, can coexist.

Note: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.