Psychologist warns against detrimental 'I can fix him' mindset in relationships

Psychologists are increasingly warning against the "I can fix them" narrative, a common sentiment that often leads to damaging codependent dynamics.

Dr Sreystha Beppari, a psychologist at Apollo Clinic, explained that while this mindset is often framed as romantic, it can be deeply detrimental to one's mental well-being.

At its core, codependency involves losing the balance of boundaries, where one individual feels entirely responsible for their partner’s emotions, problems, or general happiness.

According to Dr Beppari, this pattern of internalising a partner's struggles causes their identity to become inextricably tied to "fixing, saving, or pleasing."

This "human touch" of over-investment leads to four major repercussions: chronic anxiety, low self-worth, emotional burnout, and a significant loss of identity.

Those in such roles often live in a state of "emotional hyperawareness," constantly overthinking conversations and monitoring their partner’s moods to prevent conflict at all costs.

"If your partner does not need you or validate you, you may feel empty or insecure," Dr Beppari noted, suggesting that love should not have to be earned through constant sacrifice.

The expert cautioned that the heavy lifting required to sustain a partner often results in total exhaustion. Many individuals remain unaware of their level of burnout until they choose to take a step back.

As personal hobbies and friendships shrink, the caregiver's world centres solely on the relationship, making life without the partner feel intimidating.

To rectify these imbalances, Dr Beppari advises recognising when a partner’s reliance has become unhealthy. Setting firm boundaries and encouraging a partner to develop their own coping skills are essential steps.

By fostering independence, individuals can ensure they remain an equal participant in the relationship rather than merely an emotional outlet.