Expert explains how to identify toxic patterns within your own friendships

Identifying toxicity in others is often simpler than acknowledging it in ourselves. Komal Narang, a cognitive psychologist and behaviourist, Pranjal Mani Tripathi suggest that while everyone occasionally slips up, repeating damaging patterns is a red flag.

Tripathi points out problematic behaviours such as "trolling, gaslighting, mocking others, portraying oneself as superior, or lying to get one’s work done."

Do you respect boundaries?

Healthy friendships rely on invisible emotional lines. Crossing these repeatedly constitutes malicious behaviour. You may be the problem if you constantly offer unsolicited advice, expect friends to act as therapists 24/7, or leak private secrets in group chats.

Are you laughing with them, or at them?

Humour can be a tool for dominance. Narang notes, “If a joke consistently targets someone’s vulnerabilities and creates discomfort, it shifts from playful teasing to subtle power play.”

Bringing up embarrassing stories frequently may point to an emotional void filled by causing others distress.

Do conversations always revolve around you?

Centring yourself during a friend's crisis shifts the focus from their experience. Narang explains that this prioritises your own opinions over their emotions. Tripathi advises noticing if you tend to cut people off or redirect every topic toward yourself.

Are you competing with friends?

Competition often surfaces through "mentally keeping score" of earnings or relationships. Tripathi explains that this drive usually comes from insecurity.

If it is difficult to celebrate a friend’s success without comparing it to your own, it is time to address these underlying fears to preserve the bond.